Let’s start with a life story. The person who never knew his father was growing up with his mother and stepfather. Stepfather has some addictions. That’s why they are exposed to domestic violence with their mother. And that’s why he is admitted to a child welfare institution. When he is an adult, he is unable to pay even the house rent, and when his wife leaves, they live with their child on the street, in the train station, in the park for a while. And then he hangs on his career and quickly climbs the steps to start a consulting firm, and now at the age of 64, he has a fortune of $ 60 million. Chris Gardner is the owner of the story of the movie “You Don’t Lose Your Hope,” starring Will Smith in the lead role. He said, “If my childhood was my destiny, I would be a person with violence and addictions against his wife today. But I did not walk towards the dark, but towards the light .. ”he says.
So why do some people survive after negative experiences and some fall apart?
Consisting of the Latin word “resilire”, the English “resilience” means leaping back. The word resilience, which does not have its Turkish equivalent, is defined by the Oxford Dictionary as “the capacity to stand up again in the face of difficulties, toughness or elasticity”.
Resilience is sometimes as flexible as water, freely flowing and adaptable to change. It means the ability to change how we react in difficult times. For example;
– When plans change at the last minute
– When we have a very comfortable manager
– If we are working on a big problem
– If we started a new project (If there is something new in my life)
– If we are a team player
– If we are in a difficult situation
Resilience sometimes requires being as hard as a rock, not moving, difficult, not easily changing. So we can explain it as the ability to withstand difficult times. For example;
-When we face a situation that we cannot change
-When we try to ignore someone, we feel uncomfortable with
-When we’re trying to learn something new
-When we lose a promotion
Resilience is about our attitude and behaviour. If we cannot change the result the way we want it, it would be useful to change the way we think about the outcome. Psychological resilience, resilience, resilience, self-recovery, flexibility, self-healing, recovery ability, is the cognitive optimistic understanding and the ability to cope with problems decisively. Resilience can be improved. The person tries to reduce the stressful effect of his daily life, because the focus here is to achieve positive results in difficult situations, and to recover and develop from this negativity even if it is not. In this way, the person will gain the ability to adapt well to such difficulties.
T.C Ministry of Health statistics mental health and illness in Turkey in 2016, according to the Yearbook of the number of people admitted to the clinic for more than 5 million. One in 10 people regularly use antipsychotic medications. Well, can we or do we always have to be strong? No, in some cases we can feel like we are failing. This situation may be related to how prepared we are for stress and crisis. Just like an elastic material that stretches when bent and can return to its former form, we feel the effects of the new situation in stressful situations. Some of us revert to their old form, while some of us break.
What are the ways to gain this skill? What might be the personal traits that support psychological resilience? Studies mention 5 factors that positively affect resilience skills:
Feeling of self-efficacy: avoiding the victim role and having self-esteem. Recognize your success in past difficult situations. Stop blaming yourself and give trust and respect, thank you.
Problem solving orientation: Clearing the mind by solving the problem rather than covering and skipping the problems. Remind yourself of things that go well in life and are kept under your control. It’s important to separate what you can and what you can’t, namely our influence and interests. “How close am I to the root causes or decision makers in these circumstances? Do I have the resources that allow me to change or influence this situation? ” Get help from questions like.
The ability to communicate and empathize: Rather than pushing ourselves to loneliness, sharing more frequently with our close social circle, trying to understand their feelings by talking to people in front of us. Stay in touch with loved ones and talk to them about your feelings while you’re stressed out. At the same time, try to understand their feelings and thoughts.
Optimization (optimism) and hope: To look at the future with hope and gain a perspective towards a positive approach. How we perceive stress allows us to cope better with the situation. In this sense, it should look to make sense of what is happening. As Nietzsche said, “One who knows why he lives can bear anything” and “Everything that does not kill makes me strong”. If we think of a Turkish proverb with the same meaning, “There is a good in everything!” we can also say.
Motivation: To acquire the skills to motivate ourselves. In our country, many negative emotions can be overcome with his humor skill. Or, it may be useful to take a hobby and get away from uncomfortable emotions and relax. Take time to exercise your body and mind. Bring the activities that you could not spare time and enjoy before. Like puzzle or growing flowers.
Noticing is the beginning of change. First let’s be aware of our own actions and thoughts, then as a Japanese proverb says: “Fall 7 times stand up 8 times.”